I Love You, friend.

fuckyeahhlove:

“it’s hard to wait for something that you know might never happen, BUT it’s even harder to give up especially when it’s everything you ever wanted.”

 

 

All I ever do is wait. I wait and wait for something I know might not happen. That’s how it’s always been. And I always end up getting hurt.

I always seem to come back to you. I’ve tried numerous times to get over you, but it NEVER seems to work. All I have to do is look at that gorgeous face and those beautiful blue-green eyes, and I’m hooked all over again. It’s hard to imagine someone like you would ever want anything to do with someone like me. But yet I’ve waited.

I fell for you the minute I figured out your personality freshman year. Yet we didn’t get as close as I wanted. You still loved someone that hurt you, and she broke your heart again. I wish I could have been there to pick up the pieces. But I can’t even say we were friends. We were more like friendly acquaintances. But yet I still waited.

I still had feelings for you. We still weren’t as close as I wanted. We were in separate friend circles. All I had of you was two class periods that dwindled down to just one & my friend who talked to you every now and again. To my surprise we had a small period of flirting. But I knew that you liked girls in your circle. I still have no idea why. Neither of them liked you. But I could see why you liked them. They’re pretty, social, and all the boys like them. So really, I had no idea why you would flirt with me, even for a little bit. But yet I still waited.

That moment my world came crashing down. You and my best friend started something. I had no idea until the night you asked her out on a date. She knew I liked you, but she couldn’t even ask me if I was okay with it. Our best friend had to ask me for her. Yes I will admit it, I cried. I guess the situation swirled a lot of emotions in me that I couldn’t control. It felt like I lost the boy I wanted more than anything in world. Then you made her yours. She didn’t even tell me, I had to hear it through mutual friends. It then felt like I was losing my best friend. But yet…I still waited.

Something started. I pushed whatever feelings I had for you to the back of my heart and mind. I promise I tried my very hardest not to feel anything but friendship for you. It worked for a while. I honestly would say that if it wasn’t for your relationship with her, I wouldn’t have gotten the opportunity to get as close to you as I did.

Over the months we were able to hang out more, we texted more, and I was able to call you one of my best friends. I think it was around April when you started stopping by my house. You have no idea how much I loved your visits. It showed how close we were getting. Then after a night of messing around in texts, we started flirting shamelessly. You started calling me sweetie, sent me good morning texts, and texted me late at night. You made my heart flutter.

That same week I went through some tough times with my friend in class. I walked out of my house crying. You were the first person I called, but you didn’t pick up. Finally you responded. You came as fast as you could pedal down to where I was. You sat down on the curb and just lightly put your arm around me. It felt nice having someone there. You didn’t care that I was puffy from crying and wouldn’t take off my sunglasses because I was afraid of what I looked like. You told me it was going to be okay. It felt like you were literally holding me together so that I wouldn’t completely fall apart. You have no idea how much that meant and still means to me. Those few hours showed me how much you did care about me. That day I knew I loved you (as a friend).

We continued the flirting. You were still with my best friend, but I couldn’t stop myself. I can honestly say we both know what we did. We know what we said. And I know you meant more than half of what you said. But I won’t write about it, that’s our secret that I promised myself I wouldn’t tell anyone. All I can say is that it was wrong…and we loved every minute of it.

I cherish the memories of those nights more than anything. I loved our super long chats. And how it felt like neither of us wanted to leave. I still can feel you holding me in your arms, your body heat warming me up, while I inhaled your amazing smell.  My parents weren’t exactly happy with how much you came over, but I didn’t care. We talked about things I only dreamed could happen between us. You said how you like me, how you wanted to take care of me, and how you could take time to get rid of her. You still stayed with my best friend and I knew you loved her. But yet I STILL waited.